Stop Poisoning Your Own Deals: The Empty Boat Lesson
A RENTAL RENEWAL OFFER
The WhatsApp message came in at 2 PM on a Tuesday:
“Hey Jack, I’d like to renew my lease for another 2 years. My offer is $8,500. This is a fair value because… please convey my renewal offer to the landlady and let me know what she thinks.”
Marie (not the tenant’s real name) had been a good tenant for the past three years. She always paid on time, never complained, didn’t disturb the neighbours & carried out repairs she was responsible for with minimal fuss. I knew she genuinely wanted to stay.
I messaged back explaining why $8,750 felt closer to market rate and suggested she reconsider before I passed along her offer. But Marie was firm: “No need to reconsider. Please proceed.”
As I drafted the WhatsApp to the landlady, I weighed the options in my head.
- Accept Marie’s offer and secure two more years of stability with a proven tenant, albeit $250 below what I believe is the market rate.
- Risk the vacancy to chase that extra $250—potentially losing weeks or months of rent that negates the higher rent.
- Or counteroffer and see if we could meet somewhere in the middle.
I hit send, outlining Marie’s proposal and adding my market assessment.
My phone rang three minutes later.
“She’s trying to lowball me,” the landlady’s voice was sharp with indignation.
“Ask her to move out. Anyone but her.”
Just like that, a three-year relationship and a potential two-year renewal evaporated over $250 a month (2.86%). The deal was dead—killed not by the numbers, but by the assumption behind them.
That’s when I remembered The Empty Boat Parable.
THE EMPTY BOAT PARABLE
A monk went out to meditate on a small boat.
After a few hours of uninterrupted peace, he felt the sudden impact of another boat knocking into his.
With eyes still closed, he felt irritation and anger building within him.
“Why would someone choose to bump into me? Can’t he see I’m meditating? This is so irritating!”
Unable to hold his frustration, he opened his eyes, ready to confront whoever had disturbed his peace.
To his surprise, the boat was empty. It had come untied from the dock and was floating along in the lake.
His frustration disappeared instantly.
After all, you can’t be angry with an empty boat.
THE REAL ESTATE CONNECTION
This ancient wisdom applies perfectly to situations like Marie’s renewal offer.
The landlady immediately assumed malicious intent—that Marie was deliberately trying to “lowball” her. But was Marie really trying to insult or take advantage of anyone?
More likely, Marie was operating from her own perspective and constraints. She’d researched comparable properties and genuinely believed $8,500 was fair market value.
Perhaps she had budget limitations or was testing the waters to see what was possible. She might have been anchoring low with the expectation of negotiating upward. None of these motivations involves malice or disrespect.
By assuming Marie was deliberately trying to lowball her, the landlady turned what could have been a straightforward negotiation into an emotional confrontation.
The result?
Losing a good tenant over a $250 monthly difference that could have been bridged through simple dialogue.
BEYOND THIS STORY
You’ll encounter countless collisions like this in real estate transactions. Be it sale or rental.
Negotiations that stall, counteroffers that seem unreasonable, requests that feel excessive, timelines that don’t align. Each collision threatens to derail the deal and can distract, stress, anger, or frustrate you.
The truth is that negative emotions rarely come from the collision itself—they come from your assumption of the negative intent behind it. If you convince yourself that every bump in negotiations is a deliberate slight or power play, those emotions will poison the entire transaction.
The Empty Boat Parable reminds us that most of these collisions are with empty boats. There’s no malice. There’s no desire to harm or frustrate you. People are simply floating along on the lake of life, dealing with their own currents and circumstances that you may not see.
TAKING BACK CONTROL
When you embrace this perspective in real estate & in life, you reassume control over your negotiations. You’re no longer prone to the spiralling emotional effects of routine bumps in the process.
Instead of reacting defensively, you can respond with curiosity: “What’s driving this request?” or “How can we find a solution that works for everyone?“
In Marie’s case, acknowledging her perspective first might have changed everything: ‘I understand why $8,500 feels fair from your research. Let me share what I’m seeing in the current market, and we can find some middle ground.’ This opens dialogue instead of closing it.
You become a skilled navigator, keeping your boat steady in choppy waters, ready to adapt to whatever the market throws your way. Most importantly, you preserve relationships and keep deals alive that might otherwise sink from misunderstood intentions.
Remember: the boat that bumps into you is usually empty. Don’t let assumed malice torpedo good opportunities.
I’m still learning this myself. Sometimes I catch myself getting frustrated with a client’s (or cobroke agent’s) request before remembering to ask what’s really driving it. However, better decisions in real estate often start with the mindset, and sometimes all it takes is imagining that every offer or request is just an empty boat.
P.S. Cautionary Note
While the Empty Boat mindset helps us receive offers calmly, it’s just as important to remember the other side: how you make an offer matters.
An offer (or request) might feel straightforward to you, but if it’s delivered bluntly or without context, it can easily come across as dismissive or insulting. Goodwill can disappear faster than you’d expect.
If you’re the one making the offer, take a moment to frame it with respect and clarity. Explain your reasoning, demonstrate that you value the relationship, and signal your openness to dialogue.
The same offer, presented thoughtfully, can land very differently—and can be the difference between a deal moving forward or falling apart.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE TODAY?
Are you wondering what to do in today’s market?
Perhaps you already have a clear mind of what you want to do?
In my blog, I often share stories of the challenges, triumphs, and lessons learned in my work as a real estate agent in Singapore.
Regardless of your situation, you can use me as a sounding board. I’ll provide perspective and clarity from my experience to help you make the most appropriate real estate decision in 2025.
